I got up not as early as I’d wanted, but early enough to paint my nails gold. You see, I’d been counting down this day for a couple months. I had found Refit and after months of sporadically doing their YouTube videos at home, went to my first class–the master class they hosted back in March–and had been counting down until they were offering classes in Lex not far from my work.
You see, back in 2012, I checked off my bucket list running a half marathon. Less than two months later, my Mom had major back surgery in VA and the last three years have been up and down for her, a few other hospitalizations and operations, moving from Virginia (and all her family and friends) to Kentucky where she would be nearer to me, her only child, but also where she was away from all she had ever known. Additionally, in the last three years I’ve experienced a job change, nursing school and a complete career change (including night shift) for the Beau in addition to being the primary caretaker and advocate for Mom.
So my health got put on the back burner, to say the least.
I know my health is important. I know life is short. I know that I should want to make the most of what I’ve got. And I’ve tried. I’ve tried it all it seems. Walking. Jogging. Yoga. Zumba. Fitness classes with friends. But commuting to work and church and to Doctor’s appointments, spending days in the hospital, phone calls with doctors and family, I could never stay consistent.
Until Refit. What I could be consistent with was the inconsistency from which I would dance along to 5-10 YouTube videos. And I say that with everything in me–the freedom I found in the inconsistency was huge. No judgment. No hit to my bank account. No guilt. Just my TV and familiar faces that would greet me once a week. Or once a month. Whenever I could show up. They were there. I started to love these gals. They were my company when the beau would head in to night shift. They were my stress relief on a rough day.
When they decided to come to Lexington for a Master Class in March, you better believe it I was there with a friend or two in tow.
And then yesterday, the first day of class arrived. And gold nails and all, I walked in to one challenging moment after the next. No parking on campus. Mom’s transport to her appointment was late. Seeing some issues arise at her appointment based on her pain and care she’s receiving where she lives. Standing in the corner sobbing, thankful for an aide who was willing to give a hug and a specialist and nurse who are so kind and compassionate. Realizing you left your wallet at home when you’re in the drive through picking up lunch for Mom (Thank you kind soul at Arby’s who accepted my grace offering of $3 I scrounged from my car Iced coffee fund). One of those days for sure.
It’s really tough being 34 and seeing your mom who will soon be 63 live in a nursing home and have (most of) her wits about her yet be surrounded by folks old enough to be her Mom. It’s a hard reality to face and it’s placed a bit of a role reversal as I’ve been a caretaker for her. There are difficult decisions to be made alone. Mom will jokingly say “Okay Mother” sarcastically, but it’s tough to hear.
Mother’s Day is hard. For multiple reasons. Being 34 with no kids–some folks just don’t get it. And while it’s our story, it’s still a stop on the journey I never thought I’d be. I’d always imagined having a few kids by the time I turned 30, but here I am on the verge of 34 and childless. I know that God has a plan and I’m excited (most days) to trust him throughout the twists and turns.
So a rough day like yesterday in the days leading up to Mother’s Day–I just wanted to call it quits. Go home, binge on the Gilmore Girls and have a little pity party.
But instead, I head to lunch with a dear friend of 20 years and my spirits were lifted a bit. I head back to the office briefly (as I’ve already made my mind up that the day will probably nose dive again and I’ll just head on home) and see a notification on Facebook from the Refit Gals.
Did they know how crappy my 9:58 had been? Sheesh. So much for going home. I just couldn’t not go now! That right there friends is the reason I love REFIT. The reason I need to be brave and share this post. We all have our “stuff.” Maybe it’s not that Mother’s Day is hard for you. Maybe your struggle isn’t working out but creating margin in your schedule to be truly present with your family. Perhaps it’s struggling in a job or career that you hate. Maybe your marriage isn’t where you want it to be. Or you just wish you had a companion.
We have to be willing to share our stuff friends. We are all struggling in one way or another. And then we have to be willing to shake it off and move on. To say to a friend–“I need help”. And to be willing to hear “okay, it’s time to move on from your pity party”! I’m reminded of one of my favorite passages in Acts 2 about the early church
- You’re likely not the only one having a bad day.
- Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it.
- Take 60 seconds and reach out to someone else–you never know when one little text, facebook post or silly voxer message could turn someone’s day around just like those REFIT gals did for me.
Sometimes it’s just the simple act of putting on the gold polish. What can you do to signify a reminder. What do you need to do–a physical expression of your “fake it til you make it?”
Now you know when you see the gold polish appear.
Disclaimer: I know we all have our stuff and I’m sure mine pales in comparison to some of what I know my friends and family are going through. Please feel free to comment and know that I’ll be praying for you whatever your stuff might be.