“I indeed” was this in the past, “but He” came and something miraculous happened. Get to the end of yourself where you can do nothing, but where He does everything.
I read this late last night as I was sitting at home on a Friday night after freshman had returned at Georgetown. It’s been an odd week for me, I must admit. Sitting in my office all day on Thursday when I’m used to running up and down flights upon flights of un-air-conditioned stairs in Knight Hall.
There is a part of me that misses the craziness, the late nights, the birthday nights at Applebee’s the constant hustle. Then this other part of me that has craved the solitude and peace for so long, and now has a much bigger slice of that in life. Going home each night to a quiet household–it’s unexplainable. I will admit, I’ve gone on more walks to “bide my time” since I feel like I should be doing something. But what is that? Why do we have this constant urge to “do.” Why can’t I just be. Go on a walk for the heck of it and not feel guilty.
The last sentence in yesterday’s My Utmost for His Highest struck quite the chord in me. How often have I tried to fix the situations with my own humanity finally remembering at last that HE is the one who does everything.
God, help me remember that you do it all. I am limited. Weak. But in you, I am made strong. You’ve placed me at this point in life for a reason–to relish these days, make the most of each one you’ve given me. Even though I’m still figuring out how to navigate the times of loneliness–it’s not always easy–but you have placed me here.
I’m constantly reminded that we are created for community. Those times when the roommate and I have the rare chance of a great conversation when our schedules allow us to actually run into each other–I want to capture that and put it in a bottle. I wish I could just snap my fingers and my teleportation powers would kick in so I could go visit my dear friends in VA with little Adler who finally got taken off his monitor yesterday.
Learning to get to the end of yourself is not easy.